Unwatchable

I like my movies, and at one point I thought maybe I would be a film critic... until I realised that you need to be able to write, and not french phrases like C'est ma cinéaste préférée.

However as this is my blog and I can write whatever the fuck I like and how I like, here is one for the masses!

Many years ago my mum bought my sister and I a film book. In it were cast lists, budgets, directors notes, etc. Now, my sister is a walking encyclopaedia of knowledge anyway, so armed with this she became a veritable knowledge guru. New films were discovered and new facts about old films revealed. It filled many a rainy day and settled the odd stupid argument.

The birth of the internet reintroduced many things: obsolete porn mags, porn videos, porn chatlines to name a few. It also means that at the touch of a mouse, or the slide of a phone, movie facts are the touch of a button (or 67) away.

As many of you know, the most comprehensive list of movie knowledge and reviews can be found at the IMDB website. I'm pretty sure most of my friends have it set as a fav, if not so high in their history that this is not necessary.

For a long time I have used it as a review source. Anything above a 7 is worth a look, or under 2 for comic value.

Their list of the best 250 films is impressive.
Here is the top 10:

1. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 560,097
2. 9.2 The Godfather (1972) 437,215
3. 9.0 The Godfather: Part II (1974) 264,733
4. 8.9 The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) 175,811
5. 8.9 Pulp Fiction (1994) 447,011
6. 8.9 Schindler's List (1993) 296,639
7. 8.9 12 Angry Men (1957) 131,591
8. 8.9 Inception (2010) 296,186
9. 8.8 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) 231,522
10. 8.8 The Dark Knight (2008)

So it was with the utmost confidence that I rented  "Unstoppable": A healthy 7 with a strong cast and lots of action.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477080/

Imagine my horror, when instead of a thrill ride of adrenaline action I got a badly made advert for Fox news, coupled with the message that it's okay to threaten your wife if you're a nice guy deep down. The action is poor, the script is shit, and the direction looks to be straight out of the seventies.

Please avoid this movie.

Instead, watch "The Box": A 5.6, its is also a shit movie that could have done better, but a least it tried to do something other than a sex up Thomas the Tank Engine.