Never try to cheer up me up, i might top myself!

I learnt that you not very likely to kill yourself when you really depressed as you don't have the energy, but given some help you might feel better enough to give it a try.
I learnt that people with mental problems are just that people with mental problems. It seems that my one day mental health training was concerned with the two big hitters in the crazies world, schizophonia and the boo hoo's (drepression).

Schizophrenia was described in great detail as suffering form symptoms either "positive" Hallucinations, disorganised thinking ect or "negative" loss of volition and social withdraw? So pretty much me after a couple of beers? oh know you also have to be extremely bat shit crazy spectrum as well. oh I see....

Depression (which we were told that one in four of us would be suffering from) came with a nice fifty word diagnosis guide of that included felling a "little low with low motivation" to "suicide or self harm"? So pretty much me the day after a couple of beers? oh know you also have to a little subnormal? oh I see???

My group disparate to show its usual advanced intelligence and thirst for learning probed the lecturer for tips on "the best way to identify a patient that was depressed?" or "identify a patient that might be likely to commit suicide?" "how best to restrain a nutter?" "can I get in trouble for restraining a Nutter?" "can you force a sucide attempty to stay alive?" er thats a yes to that last one by the way, by law I can keep you alive :-)

  


 
  





 




psychiatrist know fuck

I new year the same amount of days?

Well the summer is over, I have no tan and don't feel rested. I am hoping to update this some more say 3 times a week after a go running.

I am filled with fear at returning to uni I don't like people they confuse me. I am going to try and keep me head down and learn. Become boring. Become a fixture.

I am a plastic plant in the corner I need no light or water.

Fresh faced and charmed

Today was motivate the new students day.
Today was be all that you can be day.
Today was dress up sit up straight and eat you dinner day.
Today was don't my mistakes day.
I had a child today and put it in a trash can.

Induction days are always fun, lots of new faces all eager to learn, eyes wide, hair brushed, newly cleaned teeth held behind mouths held tightly shut by the fear of saying something to strong and standing out.

Any questions?  No? You are all very quiet?

Thank god no ice breaker questions were employed. All the Coal power stations in the world could produce enough climate change to break these people down. I think we could have executed half of them without the others uttering a word if it had been in the well oiled timetable.

I don't blame them for their shyness, their flocking nature is only human. I do however hate them for it. I hate them as given this silence, being presented with this conformity this blandness this forced politeness. I am compelled to behave like a complete and utter twat. I become loud, argumentative, extrovert and above all arrogant.

Other people make me an awful human being  but I wonder if they noticed?

           



 

Left overs

Hello hippies your all cunts!

Sorry about that was a little upset from a meeting I had with  flower child in the supermarket. There I am happily buying my generic cereals and bagged salad with my mind trying to work if as a student I can justify purchasing artichokes, When I over hear a girl squealing to here friends like a canary that's being arse raped by a hawk. "It's horrid it's sick...who buys things like that...there..er...I feel sick just looking at them"

What crime against decency could have offend this poor rather thin looking girl? Is it the new Jedwood album? Maybe Michael Ball is appearing naked in heat this week or have they started selling those kids clothes with the padded chest bits again?

Er no, What has got this girls stomach in a knot and panties stuck up he rather tiny arse is the pigs kidneys available at a lovely £1.99 for 8! Now I'm not a bad person I wouldn't say I did this just to get a rise I mean those that know me would agree I will go out of my way to avoid an argument?? I walked calmly up behind her, reached over gave her a polite smile as I picked up a packet and slipped them into my basket.

Imagine the face of somebody being told they have won a prize, but a second later that the prize is to eat their own shit! That's her face!    


Now I may be a mouthy little shit but I don't expect everybody to be so happened next I was not expecting. She looked at me and squealed "er are you going to eat those???" "no you stupid bitch im going to rub them on my cock" (ok so I didn't say that) I replied  "yes I am their nice" she screwed her face up further "but their organs, left overs its sick" with my best smile and BBC accent whilst looking into her basket said "your buying mixed fruit jam that's the left overs of fruit which is basically the young of tress blended together, mushrooms that's the thrush of the veg world probably grown on dung and a bottle of wine which if memory serves is gone off grapes made useful by the shit and piss of yeast?.. " happy that my point was made I strolled off to find the honey.

 




 

human beings gather round

The AV vote eh that was exciting?

what sorry you didn't vote?? oh its cause you didn't understand it? no? its cause you don't think it will make a difference? oh thats ok then as long as you have thought it through and you not just sitting in you own little world of apathy! 

WAKE UP SHIT-BIRD

Fuck all we do makes any difference on any grand scale. My job is a perfect example of that trust me, but if we give up before we even start we might as well sit at the station watching bargain hunt and drinking tea.  

Recently I have been very annoyed by stupid protest twat's running around our streets causing chaos and redesigning the the colour of police uniforms. I have however come to the conclusion that maybe there not all that bad a least they are passionate enough to leave their homes.

this lady writes very well

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/may/05/av-vote-lib-dems

EDIT

Results are in the uneducated have one again!   

   

Lush music

just wanted to post this as these mixes are amazing! thats it no rants about anything.

http://www.derail.candusound.co.uk/

Players

Ok so not long till I'm back on the road whizzing around in a big yellow and green bus. However until then i have little to report.

My social life may be considered as dull and seeing as writing this is hard enough when i have things to talk about I been quiet of late yes?

I have however had a theme running though my small town life recently, one of dating, either me doing it or other people asking my advice on it, yes OK i can here the laughter among some people reading this, but people do sometimes think i might know something sometimes.

I have noticed that ladies and gents differ in relation to the level of honesty early on in dating. Questions keep popping up from my girlie friends about weather a guy is into them or not and how should they act if they like them? Is this guy being nice or is he a player? I want really sure of what to say inst it obvious if somebody is a player? Don't they have a shinny shirt and shaved balls?  

So when recently when I girl i am seeing (that's a very lose description I have never met her and we have talked on the phone about a dozen times) asked ME if i was a player? Just like that no hidden meaning no clever mind games just "are you a player"

As you would imagine I was shocked and confused, so much so in fact that without thinking i said "I don't know?" The girl slightly stunned by my response almost sounded like she was trying to defend me throwing me a simple question even a moron could answer, asked " but you wouldn't lie to somebody about wanting a relationship just to get them into bed, would you?"

I could feel  the gap in this conversation growing bigger and bigger exploding outwards like some futuristic lab accident any minute it would reach a critical no return point i had to say something... "errrr I don't know?" 

thummmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwsssssssssspop

"er maybe? is that likely to happen?.....are you likely to requests that before sex?... do you have a contract?.. sign here here and here, right now we can have sex and after we will be together for no less that 3 months unless one of us dies.."

further silence and a

"......im sorry but idea that you know either way before you have sex if crazy? I wouldn't sign up to a months supply of mustard flavored ice cream unless i knew what it tasted like. Does this not just break relationships down to a new form of easily broken marriage."

So with newly created SexDeaTh matter entering the world from the ear piece i'm left to ponder what the fuck happen? How did i get that so wrong? How at 31 did i not know how to answer such a easy fucking question and more to the point why did a turn it into an argument?

 Maybe because I'm not a fucking player?  

Maybe because i don't see sex as a surrender by one person and a victory by another. Something that can be held by either of us as a trump card in some stupid game. Do people really think that making somebody wait to have sex will help them sift out the bad form the good guys? If i was only after sex waiting a couple of weeks makes no odds to me but surely causes you no end of heart ache when it all full apart?

If a person is going to lie to you act like a arsewipe there is little you can do about it.

I now feel cynical and hungry.